It’s only the beginning of December. Yet, we know that it will fly by as did the last eleven months. Sometimes it is hard to understand how time flows in different people’s lives. Perhaps, it’s because I am about to step into my twenties that make time seem unfathomably fast. Undoubtedly, time is moving forward at a constant rate. Seconds do not speed up nor slow down to reinforce what we feel. Although, at times we all swear it does.
I feel uncertain about reviewing a year in my life. I am well aware that it is nothing interesting but I must try and figure out what is wrong with it. Lives of the more interesting sort will be or are always known and heard of. What I, however, want to learn about are the lives of the people who are not the hot topic of the internet and the media.
What did people with a stable job who are just trying to make it in the world do this year? What did people who are happy with their families or the lack of it do this year? The barista who has given up trying to spell our names correctly? The musicians playing their guitar at the road side in hopes of earning some money? The traveller who travels without any spotlight in unwitting secrecy? What did you do this year? Please, tell me.
I want to know the story of someone relatively ‘foolish’ go travelling without any money. If you made it then I too will have hope. I want to know about other things too. Things that are too private for me to ask out directly. Things that make me insecure and anxious. Oh, that reminds me, can anyone teach me how to switch of my brain at night so I can sleep without constant worry?
You get the gist. It’s not me trying to be artsy, believe me. I’ve recently found myself distracted by the false promises of a grand life that is temporary. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the classic fame or money that accentuates my overlapping existential and interpersonal loneliness. Rather, the confusion of what matters and what is right and what is not. The small and insignificant decisions that led to this moment of sleeplessness.
This year I turned nineteen. I completed my A levels. Granted, I did not do well but I passed and that is something. I went to visit Bangladesh where I got to see my family and friends again after three years. I got in touch with my friends through skype this year more than I ever did before. I wrote my first poem inspired by someone bewitching who will never know it. I stuck to something I absolutely hated but which was a necessity. I quit my job that almost caused me my peace of mind. I am halfway through learning a new dua. I started University in a place I never knew existed! As follows, I started living by myself. I never thought I would overcome a feeling of dread when waking up alone, but I did. My family is well and alive which is more than enough to make me thankful and happy.
Furthermore, I have read good books and seen good series. I am currently reading this book called Furthermore which is quite a promising read. When I say ordinary, I do not mean uninteresting. It’s just that the model of life is messy which confuses me. I suppose it is selfish but please do tell me: how has your year been?