On the decision to spend a solitary summer.

It’s been just over a week since summer holiday began.

My decision to stay back in Lincoln (I live in London) for the summer was partially based on work and partially due to other personal circumstances. Whenever I ask someone, ‘Are you staying back for the summer?’ Their face contorts into a are you insane expression before answering with a no. That will never fail to amuse me.

Some people live and go to University at the same location, so it’s not really an issue for them. Family, friends, pets and partners are always within reach. Some people can’t wait for the weekend to rush home and some people only leave for the major holidays.

I am one of those people that only leave for major holidays. Only because it’s expensive to travel from Lincoln to London and then back again. If it was cheaper, I still wouldn’t go home every week but definitely more than I usually do.

One of the reasons I chose to stay back is because I am much more productive when I am alone. So, I am spending Ramadan by myself. There are certain things from which I need to heal. Some strange and old sorrows that weigh me down needs to go and Ramadan is the perfect time to say goodbye.

The idea of spending so much time alone with myself was daunting. Who wants to be left alone with their own thoughts? But I needed a permanent job and found one in the University. Then I was informed that I won’t be starting before July.

I also found a voluntary role to become the co-project leader for a group and took it. Once again, it will start later on when the next term begins. It looks very promising and I am excited to see what happens. I haven’t really done anything of this sort before.

Now, the plan is to improve my knowledge of careers in the field of biomedical science. Prepare strategies for potential placements and figure out how to get an industrial placement alongside studying. Read a lot and write a lot. I realise, I never apologised for not writing as much as I used to.

I am so sorry, to myself and to the few regular readers I had. All of September to February/March, I just didn’t feel like myself. For me to be able to write, I must first be true to myself. My writings are my truth. I lacked vitality and my usual exuberance which affected almost everything in my life.

I am, however, going home for Eid-ul-Fitr where I am staying for ten days. During these ten days, I will visit Bristol with my sister and we will be heading over to Cardiff for a day trip. That’s the plan anyways, we will see what happens. Nothing seems to go the way we plan for it to.

I also have plans of meeting up with a few old friends and catching up on life, during these ten days. After that, I’ll come back to Lincoln and officially start my job. In the meantime, I am trying my best to find another part-time job. Once September begins and my accommodation contract ends, I will have to leave Lincoln again until my contract for the second year begins.

Finally, I am the only mortal constant in my life. One thing is for sure, everything is temporary and has the potential to drastically change. We are our only companion. And once we learn to be at peace in our own company, we become more compassionate towards ourselves and the people around us. We learn to not take life too seriously and that sometimes going with the flow isn’t such a bad thing. Or so I’ve learned from my experiences. No one right way to be human, after all.

God willing, it will all go as planned…or better.


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