Dance of the cosmic whales

“What did you see?” the old man enquired. His voice deep and solemn, “speak up, girl.”

“I saw a, a whale. A whale made of stars, swimming in…nothing.” mumbled the little girl. She didn’t look into the eyes of her interrogator. Her eyes were fixed on the twilight.

“Child, I’ve lived in these mountains for years. So many lonely years, to…to see this. My sanity girl, give me back my sanity!” the old man howled with bitter laughter which frightened the little girl. Her shoulder shook as she began to cry silently.

“No, no. I am so sorry!” the old man cleared his throat and kneeled down in front of the little girl. He patted the little girl’s head with an oversized palm. “There, there. Don’t you cry, sweetheart. I wouldn’t hurt ya. I can act a little crazy sometimes, sorry.”

The little girl looked down at her feet and rocked on her heels, sniffling every now and again.

“I promise, I won’t do it again. Forgive me?” he apologised in a gentle and sincere manner.

She finally raised her eyes to look at the old man and smiled. The moonlight glistened on the traces of snot and tears left behind. The old man gave her an old handkerchief to clean her face with.

“Wanna come inside and have a cup of hot cocoa?” he asked, gesturing towards the small wooden cabin he called home. “It’s freezing out here.”

“Sure.” she whispered, blowing her nose on the handkerchief. Her voice was still shaky from crying.

“That’ll be lovely.” she added, louder this time.

They headed towards the door of the cabin which stood only a few steps away from them. The old man held the door open for the little girl to pass through. He might’ve minimised his contact with civilisation as much as possible but he never forgot his manners. She thanked him while he closed the door and hanged his jacket and scarf. Then he gave the little girl a blanket to wrap around herself and told her to make herself at home. She took a sit on a small armchair in front of the fireplace while he made the hot chocolates.

My writing goal at this stage is simply to write anything so that it becomes a part of my everyday routine.


On the moments that got away.

“Life consists of two days, one for you and one against you. So when it’s for you don’t be proud or reckless, and when it’s against you be patient, for both days are test for you.”

                                                                                                                                -Imam Ali (AS)

There’s a particularly troubling matter in my mind. It’s of no harm physically but mentally, it’s there. Not quite heavy as it used to be but it’s there. Taking up unnecessary time and space, surfacing at the most inconvenient moments to haunt me.

“The truth is, we’re all some kind of haunted. The only difference are the things that haunt us the most. Smells, light, sounds, lovers. A whiff of perfume. An old song. Black and white photographs. They are all pretend ghosts – lying around our deepest selves, just waiting to be revealed again.”

                                                                                             – Rej Jaen, wnq-writers via tumblr

I’ve always wondered how long it takes to heal from missed opportunities. Moments that are not necessarily of external importance. Moments that have passed by while we remained ignorant of their significance. Moments we can never go back in time to retrieve but if we could only redo them.

In some ways, we do relive them. Over and over again inside our minds. Even when we don’t want to. We know they’re only hindering the process of letting go. I wish, there was a switch somewhere to stop unsolicited day-dreaming. One moment you look out the window and the next thing you know, the mind has dived into an ocean of sorrow. Reliving the lost moments and dreaming of what could’ve been.

I, for one, rely upon time. Day by day, nothing lessens. We find ourselves thinking, is this how it’s going to be? But with time, as expected, the intensity of it all declines. We soon notice that while the thoughts come and go, there’s a certain distance shielding us from their effects indicating the healing has begun.

And while we can’t piece together what never really happened, the fantasy that things would’ve turned out better if our actions during that moment were different starts losing its impact. There’s a strange settling feeling of acceptance alongside a period of grief knowing things have passed us by for good.

What’s coming is better for us than what has left.

It’s not the endings that will haunt you
But the space where they should lie,
The things that simply faded
Without one final wave goodbye.
Like a book with torn out pages,
Forgetting things you’re sure you knew,
A question with no answer
And a song stopped halfway through.
So when your mind attempts to store them
Their crooked shape will never fit,
And forever in the corners
Of your consciousness they sit.
Jagged edges made from moments
You can’t be quite sure were the last,
Slicing open thoughts that healed
As they attempt to slip right past.
You see, not knowing is what haunts you,
The memories that never mend,
For they are puzzle’s missing pieces
Of all the things that didn’t end.

                                                             – e.h., musings of a poetic soul via facebook

Senseless Violence

The earth around is soaked in red
Fresh paint, I thought to myself
A little voice arose inside my head:
Ignorance isn’t bliss, you fool
It’s not paint, it’s senseless violence.

Turn away all you like. Or 
Watch away in paralysing horror 
That puddle isn’t turning into wine
Don’t raise your head from the ground
Don’t listen to the sirens all around.

Don’t just stand there either
Go watch paint dry that’ll end quicker
Than the violence that is inflicted for terror
And the violence that is said to be for the greater good.

The blood! Oh, but the bloodshed you see,
Running, stagnant, clotting, soaking, drying
The Earth is bleeding
The bloodshed of evil may or may not be much of it
But that of the innocents’ will asphyxiate it with grief
The Earth? It can’t stop bleeding, please aid it with some peace.